Weekend Recap - 9/25-9/27

Well, the Party Bolsheviks started out their reign of revolutionary drunken terror with not a bang but a whimper, attending a party Thursday night at a friend’s house for a triumphant forty-five minutes, accomplishing the herculean task of going into the living room and talking about bullshit, AND THEN going into yet another room to continue said conversation about said bullshit, all while managing to scarf down amounts of beer that might have been able to get a twelve-year old drunk but only if that twelve-year old had a particularly low alcohol tolerance.

So I was out of the party by 12:00, asleep by 12:30. In short, the party was great, but some of us (okay mainly me) had class the next morning at eight and weren’t trying to play that weak-ass insomnia shit. This is double-unfortunate because apparently like half an hour after we left the party became like awesome times a million and us sleeping children weren’t there to experience it. Damnit.

The next night (AKA Friday) the People’s drunkards really put on a show to make up for their lack of drunk the night before and all of us proceeded to get, how do you say, uh, completely and utterly trashed.

(Oh, a quick aside: A week ago, two of my friends and I traded belts before going out, because don’t ask questions it’s just what happened. And then this week we were all pre-gaming at his apartment when we realized that (a) we were all wearing the same belts that we’d traded off a mere six days previous, and (b) we had all planned our outfits around said belts. Needless to say at that moment we concluded the trade was to be permanent.)

The Party split up as to best wreak havoc upon the structural institution of sobriety, so I’ll try to account for the nights of all groups. There were two main parties to hit that night, a friend’s birthday party at a place pretty close to campus and then one friend’s non-birthday party quite a considerable distance away. Where I’m from we call such distances “out in the sticks.”

Group A (my group) hit up the first party circa 10:45. Because we knew that we were a considerably large group of people to descend upon a house and expect free booze, we brought along refreshments of our own – namely, a case of beer that we’d stowed in an officially licensed Dale Earnhardt Jr. soft cooler, because in case you were wondering we are that classy. Our hosts, in their infinite grace and hospitality, were kind enough to provide their guests with what can only be described as a “baste box.”

What is a baste box, you ask? Well that’s a good question because I’m pretty sure these girls invented such a thing. It was a big ol’ plastic container full of some liquid (my discriminating palate detected some lemonade and a lot of gin, with perhaps a smattering of grapefruit) that you the drinker administered to yourself via squirting into the liquid your mouth with a turkey baster. My friend and I dubbed this “getting basted” (Get it? Like getting wasted but with a b because it was a baster?) in what is perhaps the most lazy pun in the history of linguistics.

Circa 11:15 Eastern Standard Time, Group B made its triumphant arrival at Party Numero Uno. Blissful tears were shed, hugs administered, beverages chugged like thirsty Inuits playing the drinking game where you name all of the Inuit words for “snow” and if you can’t think of one then don’t chug a beer. We stood in the front yard (let’s be honest we were probably talking about indie rock or some other pretentious bullshit) for a considerable amount of time, when it was time for some of Group A to hit up Party Numero Two, way out in the sticks.

I was not a member of this group to go, because the car wasn’t big enough to hold all of us at the time. Some nonsense about how not everybody had a seatbelt and the cops had been following our designated driver (ALWAYS HAVE ONE, PEOPLE) or some other completely invalid excuse. Anyway, I’m dubbing my friend and I who had to wait “Group A, Sub-Group Alpha.” We killed some time by playing beer pong (won one and lost one, which is way better than I myself usually do at pong, though let the record show that during the game we won I didn’t make a single fucking shot) and then by having a few (okay a lot) last-minute interfacings with the basting mechanism.

Our DD made her return and Group A, Sub-Group Alpha hopped in to go on our merry way. Somehow we ended up not at Party Two, but at a friend’s house in Carrboro, where we dallied for a while and picked up a few friends - but not, if I remember correctly, the friends that we’d actually intended to pick up. I was riding shotgun, so I didn’t have that great a vantage point from which to view such happenings. Anywho, in the car we put on some Wu-Tang and had a little rap session that I’m sure didn’t annoy our driver in the least (Sorry, I’ll take the blame for instigating that one.), and then showed up to the undisclosed* location where Party Two was happening.

And let me tell you, children. Shit was popping. People were piled upon people inside of the apartment slash house slash triplex slash dwelling. When we arrived, I texted the host as to ascertain his whereabouts, only to discover that he’d left on a beer run because as he so eloquently put it, “shit’s fucking out man.” Luckily, Group A, Sub-Group Alpha reunited with the totality of Group A, as well as our handy dandy Dale Jr. cooler, which allowed us to re-up on our buzz. Gracious Party Host returned shortly, beer in tow, and it was again lollipops and butterflies in the entire joint. Our Group had set up shop on the back deck, with some of us sporadically re-entering into the dwelling with the intent of socializing further.

Towards the end of the night, a friend of mine showed up to the party wearing one of those hats that’s like a beanie with a little visor sewn into it. Now though as a Party Bolshevik I have taken an oath to never desire for material things, I must say that I envied her and wished to possess this hat. So, in my drunken state, I just snatched it off her head, employing the time-tested thieving tactic of blatantly taking something from someone and hoping they won’t care because you’re both drunk. I was the gushing owner of said hat for tens of minutes, when our ride arrived to take us home, and just as I was a mere fifteen feet from the car, my friend (apparently not as drunk as I’d figured) re-claimed her hat from my head. Evndently she’d been laying in wait outside, hoping to jack my shit. Notice I said my shit not her shit, because really when you drunkenly take something from someone and they allow you to take it without complaining, that’s about as binding an agreement as a written contract. Anyway, at this time the hour was appropriate for us to leave for home.

Now, let me tell you about the happenings of Group B, who had elected to remain at Party Number One, which was admittedly smaller and in a neighborhood that looked like real people (aka non-college students) would have been living there. The party had been going swimmingly, all steadily getting progressively more intoxicated, when all of a sudden the cavalry arrived, and by that I mean the cops showed up. Now, it is a credit to Group B that they didn’t pull an Everyone-Else-At-The-Party and freak the fuck out. Instead, they just hung out away from the presence of the fuzz, and then left the party after the police had kindly requested that the party disperse. As it was told to me, the police were very gracious about the whole deal, and didn’t hand out any drinking tickets which was super nice of them**.

We then reconvened at our own residence later that night, when we proceeded to yell at each other then all pass out.

And that, to paraphrase Biggie, is what the fuck happened on Friday.

Saturday night brought yet another opportunity to critique society via self-intoxication, but some of us (I’m especially guilty of this crime) were too hungover from Friday to fully devote themselves to the deplorable practice of drinking alcohol. It was a sad day, friends, but I pushed through and managed the heroic feat of drinking a monumental three beers throughout the entire evening.

Anywho, we ended up pre-gaming at Party Headquarters and then headed to some big-ass party off of MLK where people were literally spilling out of the house because it was so crowded. Like, there were more people just standing outside the party because they’d given up on actually getting in there than were people actually inside, and the inside of the place was wall-to-wall packed like sardines in a crush tin box (word to Radiohead). We did a quick run-thru of the house just to check the place out and found ourselves wanting for oxygen, having given up on the concept of personal space some time before even entering into the foyer. After discovering the whereabouts of the keg, one of the more industrious (okay I’ll just say it, cheap) members of the Party Bolsheviks decided to take an empty can of Busch Light that she’d had in her purse and use it to fill up from the keg instead of shelling out the three dollars or whatever for a cup.

Now, I have never been a fan of ginormous parties. I’m just not the type of person who enjoys walking up to a big group of people and introducing myself to them over and over, plus big parties sketch me out because crowds attract la policia, and who really needs that. If I’m at one of these things at all, I’m off on the fringes somewhere talking to literally the same people with whom I arrived. So why do I have to go to such a big party to do that?

And who throws one of these things anyway? I don’t know about you, but I’m not trying to have a bunch of random-ass people all up in my house drinking my booze and making out with other random-ass people on my couch because of the booze that I just gave them, and then spilling their beer all over my floor because now those random two people are like horizontal and knocking cups off the table. We have fake plants on the organ in my house next to our vintage hymnal, just like any good American. I don’t want people fucking that shit up.

Okay, soap-box dismounted. The point I guess I’m trying to make is that I and two of my friends did not stay at this party for very long, instead opting to go to Bun’s and then to Townhouse to annoy our sick friend, because lest we forget if you get exasperated enough you forget how shitty you feel or at least that’s what I’ve read, so really we were doing her a favor. The night ended pleasantly enough with the most sleep I think any of us has gotten since before that one time in ‘Nam.

So until the next time we blog, I guess we’ll keep drinking and see if that makes the revolution happen.

Love,

The Party Castro

*Let the record show that the Party Bolsheviks was too collectively intoxicated to actually remember where this party was, or the location would totally be disclosed.

**Fellow Party Bolsheviks Member pointed the following out: Isn’t it shitty how the relative coolness of the party is determined by the likelihood of the cops showing up? Damn you draconian drinking laws!